Septimus
"So this is where you've been faffing about all this time Kyrias? No wonder I haven't got a single clean toga in my supplies. Wash the ones that are still in usable order at once. And the one that Madolf was using as a hammock, I want that incinerated. After that, you and I are going to have a little conversation about how I am to be portrayed in these Chronicles you've been writing. It'll take me the rest of the year to edit all those misrepresentations you make regarding my common sense. I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning."
"Tanith, since your obviously better at holding my shaft than I am, I now entrust it completely to you. I want you to give it much care and attention, and don't forget to polish the stiff wood on occasion, will you? It prefers a gentle touch, in an up-and-down motion. And look after it, do you hear? I've bequeathed you an extremely important member, and it's potential for penetration is more satisfying than any tool I've ever held before. My arse is on the line, and I do not want a cock-up."
"Madolf, I'd rather you heard this from me than some arrogant epicure: Your cooking is awful and the sooner you realise this the better. I understand that your constitution could potentially endure the feeling of being torn apart from the inside by a rabid ferret, but the rest of us would prefer to survive the experience of a nightly meal. With regard to that travesty that you call 'Badger Surprise,' I had no idea that the 'surprise' element was for the badger to still be alive when we ate it. Did you ever ask the badger what he felt about all this? No? Well then."
"And Wolfgar... the funds we obtained on our travels and the coffers in the tower could potentially support the reconstruction of Oakthorpe the first two times you allow it to burn to the ground, but no more than this. I therefore request that you keep the more frivolous of your pastimes to a minimum to avoid unnecessary 'accidents.' I won't keep it from you that I do harbour some affection for the town that I somehow find myself living in, and if you ever need an extra pair of hands for some practical help around the area, do not hesitate to let me know. I will send Kyrias right away."
"Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy person to get on with. And I know that, given the choice, I probably wouldn't have chosen you as friends. But I just want to say that over the years, I have come to regard you... as... people I met."
Matt
In all seriousness, lads, I can't thank you enough for a fantastic experience in a Roleplaying game. I've loved playing Septimus, and the rest of you played your characters brilliantly and I couldn't have asked for five better people to be in a mid-long term campaign with. Don't be fooled by Septimus' arrogance and self-important, he loves you all to bits really, and he'll always come through for you in the end whether he wants to or not.
I leave you with
The Trail of Broken Hearts by DragonForce, which provides a much more concise summary than I could manage at this point: