TOPIC: Badlands

I moved forward knife in hand striking out at the abomination, the lords power pulsing through me, the creature unable to touch me, it lashes out at Mr Winters with a sword almost catching him but Mr Winters somehow managed to twist out of its way. It fired a shotgun at Radagast knocking him off his feet but Radagast was otherwise unharmed. I heard Fizzle, Fizzle and Radagast looking forlorn as yet another spell failed then he fell to the floor unconscious, that left four of us, looking for Mr Hemmingway and he was nowhere to be seen, I looked for Mr The South and he too has gone, those yellow bellied……..

………..Mr Winters and I got stuck in, the Lord was protecting me which meant that poor SOB Mr Winters became the centre of the abominations world, I struck it again and again, and Mr Winters fired round after round into it when it suddenly stopped moving and began to melt, not pleasant sir, not pleasant at all.

We checked on Radagast, luckily he was not severely injured and the lord took his Ouchy away. I believe the sheer amount of magic he has been casting has finally taken its toll and he passed out from exhaustion.

We raised the hamlet to the ground, blessing the poor souls that lost their lives this day.

We returned for our horses and Mr The South and Mr Hemmingway’s horses have gone, by the looks of things they have run back home to their momma’s.

We put Radagast on his horse, the right way round and set off for the next town the three of us pulled off an impressive start riding three abreast. A short way off a figure on horseback silhouetted by the sun stood motionless waiting for our approach. Thinking it might be one of those yellow bellied chickens we approached. As it turned out it was neither Mr The South nor Mr Hemmingway, it was the man with no name, a figure of legend and lore, whenever you are on a deed of daring and good and are stuck for resources the man with no name shall appear and help put you back on the path of your quest. The Lord gives and takes away in equal measure keeping balance to the world.

We followed Mr The Man With No Name, and soon came into a town with a train to Denever, hoping our luck would hold we enquired on the train times, but alas we were too late, that days train had already gone and our quarry with it. We would have to wait till the morrow before we could catch the next train.

The Next Day

At the platform the train was late when the station master announced they had broken track and it had to stop to fix it, our foe is certainly putting time if not space between us. Mr Winters however had received a telegram back from Denver and some of his clan will follow the target.

Eventually the train arrived and we put our horses on the horse carriage at the back of the train. We then moved to find ourselves some seats, Radagast started saying the only difference between first and third class was five dollars each. We entered third class, looked around at societies degenerates, and took in the aroma and went straight to second class, which was infinitely better, wooden benches without cushions but we were alone, a happy compromise. Mr The Man With No Name lay down on a bench pulled his hat over his eyes and went to sleep. I read aloud from the good book, Exodus.

Soon they were asleep, alone at last.

I reviewed and processed all of the recent goings on. I decided the Lord is not testing me, this is the job he has chosen for me and for better or worse these are the companions he has sent me to do his bidding. I am sure our paths will cross with Mr The South and Mr Hemmingway soon.

Jostled awake as the train jerked again, Mr Winters got up and popped his head out the window as a bullet buried itself in the wooden frame about an inch from his face.

More bullets ricocheted of the carriage, wishing Mr The South were here as this is definitely something he would enjoy. Mr Winters returned fire, and I joined him, Radagast locked one carriage door, giving us time to repel an internal attack, he went to move down the carriage but slipped and got another Ouchy. I shot one and blew him clean off his horse, Mr Winters shot one so badly in the foot he fell off. I did the same. A perfect outline of my torso appeared in light, from the bullet holes created in the wood, how they managed to miss is beyond me. Mr The Man With No Name pulled his gun and without taking his hat off his eyes fired out of the window killing a raider instantly. Mr Winters shot another three people in the foot all of them falling off and out of the fight, I shot another and he was gone. This gun fighting is really not my forte, but there are too many for Mr Winters, Radagast is of no use in this situation. Oh Lord please help your children on your mission………

Well i seem to have offended my demon it is using me like a plaything , my spells are working against me and The creatures we face seem to hit me too easily . If if is not for the preacher interventions I would have fallen under the attacks of the beasts , the last day Seems to be a blur , we have got into a train to head to Denver but the train is being attacked by Indians even then I am unable to withstand the onslaught for long , I have tried to bolt the doors before they can board but I have been hit

Mary
I feel so lost and conflicted I can barely write this. As a man of honour I have tried to put my shame behind me, and start a new life by simpler rules. But it seems the old one is just destined to find me. There are reminders everywhere...

I was stood facing an abomination, it was attacking comrades in arms, and I confess on my very soul that I was about to help. it was then I saw them. three confederate horsemen. They seemed to be watching our efforts. They seemed to understand what we faced, and yet, they betrayed their oaths to the Confederacy and to mankind itself by remaining there. I felt the rage rise. I ran towards them and road away. I found Honour and gave chase. They led me a merry chase, always just on the horizon. I was in turmoil. I had left Winters alone with the sorcerer, I hope the keeps him in check. Maybe one day I can explain, and tell him of my oath, Winters certainly deserves to know. These deserters need justice brought to them, not just because of their cowardice, but also because they seem in league with this devilry.

I made a cold camp, the twilight gloom was too murky to pursue them further. I watched for camp fires, but it seems that they learned just enough from their military training.

as dawn rose I was on the trail early. picking way carefully amongst the cacti. My quarry was making time towards a the open plains. It was then I saw the train. It came steaming into view, and it was under attack... Bands of Confederates and Yankees seemed to crawl over and around it like so many cockroaches. The sound of gunfire erupted from the train. the soldiers began to fire on the train. I am reminded once again of Quantril's tactics and butchery. This indiscriminate action appears to mimic his approach. someone is shooting back at least. a number of soldiers fall. My mind is made up I will get no better opportunity to kill these men. I gallop towards the train. Suddenly an explosion rings out, and then a second. part of the middle carriage seems to explode. Dynamite. More shooting occurs, it looks like the middle carriage is the focus of attention. Making my way towards it, I jump from Honour and get a foothold on the train. The door to the carriage is locked, and then opens suddenly. Fate, it seems is not without some irony. Inside are my comrades... how and when they boarded the train, I have no idea. But my chance to repay a debt is now upon me.

The deserters line up and attack again. I shoot one from his horse. and then with no more targets, hear the sounds of marauders on the train. jumping onto the roof it looks clear, until two Yankees bushwhack me from behind. Fortunately Winter arrived and we have the measure of them. The others seem to be making for the engine. the train is slowing...

I shoot another, there seems to be a limitless supply of these raiders. Mr Winters shoots another, when the handle on the door previously locked by Radagast rattles. Could one of these varmints have boarded the train and come to ruin our day. Radagast nods his head as if saying he has this situation under control, I hope for all our sakes he does.

Click

Radagast has turned the key and is letting them in.
“Well Howdy Gentlemen” says Mr The South, shortly followed by Mr Hemmingway.
“What the!!!” Says Mr Winters
“Where in the name of all that is holey, and I’m not on about Radagast’s underwear, have you two been?”
“We had some urgent business to take care of” Offered Mr The South in way of an explanation.
“We were fighting an unholy terror and taking a beating” Cough, Cough from Mr Winters
“You alright there? Oh Sorry they were taking a beating , better? And something more important came up!!”
“Yup”
“Forget it we have a whole new problem, as you can see”
“Excuse me Gentlemen” Says Mr Man With No Name “But my work here is done, I may see you in the future” and leaps out of the window fanning his six shooter, killing seven raiders dead and knocking one who was getting close to the window off his horse landing in the saddle and riding off into the late afternoon sun.

“As you can see, we seem to have all kinds of trouble.” The train stops.

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG Pause BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG Mr The South Fans his weapons, he shoots two dead, and bags a bonus buzzard .

BANG fires Mr Winters bagging another one.

Pew, Pew fires Mr Hemmingway, giving Sting an airing (Sting is Mr Hemmingway’s gun, I was going to put a footnote but who reads those).

He takes two raiders out. All action on both sides stops and everyone looks at Mr Hemmingway. Breaking the silence I say
“Well, they well have interesting gravestone. Here lies ……… shot by Earnest Hemmingway. It just doesn’t sound believable does it?” Everyone mumbles agreement with that. No one knows what to do, fortunately Mr The South has a solution and shoots the two bodies, and the world starts again.

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG Pause BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG fires Mr The South
BANG, careful aim, BANG fires Mr Winters
Bang I fire,
Pew, Pew fires Sting

“ENDS,

ENTERED,

DYNAMITE,

CARRIAGE,

BOTH”
Shouts Radagast.
“What the hell is he on about”
“He must be delusional, from the loss of blood”
quite angrily Radagast slaps the floor.
“ENDS, ENTERED, DYNAMITE, CARRIAGE, BOTH” and points I follow the direction of his finger and see a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse. Hoping that God will protect his servant, I rush over grab the stick and hurl it out the window, turning quickly I shoot another raider.

Down the other end of the carriage, Mr Hemmingway has beads of sweat from concentration running down his face, Pew, Pew fires sting.
“Have you seen this?” Asks Mr Winters, showing Mr Hemmingway a lit stick of dynamite, the sweat really starts to come off Mr Hemmingway, you would think a seasoned poker player would sweat less, it really is a bad tell.
“Throw it out the window” says Mr Hemmingway softly
“What this, you’re going to get an education here.” Says Mr Winters. Mr The South and I start to back away but there is nowhere for us to go so we back into the same corner hoping the other will offer a modicum of protection. Mr Winters continues “look at that fuse it is a slow burn you can tell by the way it is not sprinting down the length and going boom!”
“THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW” Says Mr Hemmingway with a little more urgency and gusto. Mr Winters looks at Mr Hemmingway with a knowledgeable smile.
“Stop worrying, this thing, has hours to go, sloppy workmanship, they should have cut the fuse shorter this is too much time we literally and I mean literally have hours left”

To say Mr Hemmingway’s eyes were wide open is an understatement as the spark on the fuse entered the cavity of the dynamite.
“Oh dear, I may have been wrong!” says Mr Winters. Mr The South and I are trying to morph into one being. POOF!! It doesn’t explode but a big cloud of carbon smoke fills their faces to much comedic effect.
“Well I’ll be” I say “Dud Dynamite, they must have been testing our resolve, wished I hadn’t thrown” BOOOOOOOOOOOOM as the stick I threw out the window explodes.

The train lurches as it starts up again, we are all looking at one another, it appears the Lord is offering his protection to all his servants today.

The Raiders disappear. I go and help Radagast, meanwhile Mr Winters not satisfied with one near death experience and actively seeks out another and leaves the carriage and climbs up onto the roof.

Pting, BANG, Pang, Pang, Ting BANG. You get the idea, Mr The South goes to offer him aid. Mr Hemmingway goes through the carriage and enters the next compartment, Radagast follows. I poke my head up to see how Mr Winters is doing and take a near hit (you are asking why did I put near hit when the phrase is near miss. Why do they call it a near miss? A near miss is surely a hit, “well we nearly missed it”). It seems they have the situation all under control. I follow Mr Hemmingway and Radagast, they are at the far end of the carriage going through the door. This is first class and I see we have been missing out on free drinks, free food, carpet , cushions and everything else that would have made this trip more tolerable. I take my hat off, “Excuse us ladies, we are professionals”,

“No we’re not!!” Shouts Mr Hemmingway very audibly from the other side of the door climbing the ladders.
I carry on through, and spy Radagast’s foot disappearing over the top rail of the ladders on this carriage. The train lurches again, and I climb the ladders, chancing a look back at Mr Winters, and Mr The South. I just reach the top when Mr Winters is downed, luckily his foot catches the sky light and prevents him being thrown from the train. Mr The South is pinned down. I turn around and sprint down the carriages to help Mr Winters. Bullets are flying past me, but God protects his servant and I get to Mr Winters, the Lord sends me the strength I need, so I can easily carry Mr Winters down the ladders and into the carriage. I call on the Lord to help Mr Winters and he does, within moments he is awake and ready to fight the good fight once more.

Mr The South says the enemy has gone, so we move forward towards Mr Hemmingway and Radagast. Passing through the same carriage I tip my hat to the ladies again and say “Excuse us again ladies, but we are professionals.”
“No were not.” Says Mr Winters tipping his hat to them as well
“He’s right, we are not professionals” Says Mr the South tipping his hat also.

Up the ladders and over the roof of the carriage down the ladders and into the next , where we discover lying on the floor one Radagast, one raider, and in a chair untying himself is Mr Hemmingway, which beggars the question.
“Whoa there big fella, if you are untying yourself who tied you up, cause they didn’t do a good job?”
“There were two of them, I killed one, that one in fact”
“Now, now no need for tall stories, you killed one indeed. Also no one here blames you if you shot Radagast”
Mutual agreement on that point is made.
“But I didn’t, there were two of them”
“I can see that” I do the speech mark fingers “But one of them” Close speech mark fingers “is Radagast”.
“No there were two of them and Radagast and me. I shot that one the other knocked me out and tied me to this chair.”
“Ah ha, back to the original, they didn’t do a very good job of tying you up if you can free yourself. I mean look at it from our point of view, why go to all the trouble of knocking you out, picking you up dragging you to a chair, and let’s be fair, loosely drape a rope over you and then make a hasty retreat.”
“I don’t know but I didn’t shoot Radagast”
“Not even a little?”
“No”
“Not a smidgen”
“No”

I tend to Radagast who doesn’t know what happened, nothing unusual there then so he must be fine. The train lurches forward and the carriage behind us has a lot more light than it did a few seconds ago, and appears to be getting further away.

Mr Hemmingway and I wave back at the raiders waving at us from the separated carriage.

Well it was a strange sight looking up at the door and finding Mr South peering back at me , I open the door quickly and dive back to the floor , all I can hear is bullets whizzing over me and my demon whispering in my ear use more magic you know you want to , I resist the temptation and suddenly two sticks of dynamite are thrown into the Carriage at either end , babbling I try to get the others attention they hear me and I point to each stick and duck my head once more , I hear the booms as the sticks explode outside the carriage , the preacher Heals me as I see Mr Hemingway moving off towards the front of the train , I follow and overtake him as I open the door to the next carriage there are two deserters then the next thing I remember is being healed by the preacher again . I continue to head towards the front of the train

Mr Winters, Mr The South and Radagast move forward into the next carriage. I say to Mr Hemmingway “You coming.”
“Yeah as soon as I’ve untied myself” He really is making a meal of removing the draping rope so I follow the others, leaving him to decide if he is coming with us.

The next carriage is first class again and has a Minister trying to read from the good book. What is the difference between a Minister and a preacher you ask? Well first of all Minsters like to wear black, it can be a hundred degrees in the shade and they wear black, whereas your average preacher prefers a nice cut suit, sometimes we can be seen with the dog collar but more often than not without. Minsters like to read from the good book, but it has to be done in a monotone that would send the most fervent of followers to sleep. A preacher likes to engage with his flock, a bit more theatre and show. So you have learnt that fashion and theatre are the main differences, but there is one more. Ministers get paid if they are preaching to no one or a thousand people, it is a career choice, and it is what they do for a living. A preacher gets paid what he is worth by the congregation, the larger the crowd the more you should make, and you need showmanship to attract the large crowd. I know every word in my good book, I can preach with or without it, how many ministers have you seen not read directly from the book?

“M’am” I tip my hat “Have you seen three other fellas go through here?” A man wearing a hat and a most excellent goatee looking a bit like Mr Lincoln himself, says,
“You mean the engine driver, the German postal worker and the coal boy?”
“Er, yeah sounds about right”
“They went that way” pointing to the other end of the carriage, I must confess it was a stupid question as I know they went this way, the fact they are no longer in this carriage means they have left via the other door, but it was said more out of politeness than seeking knowledge. I left the carriage. The train keeps getting faster and I thought about unhooking this carriage, but if I did that Mr Hemmingway would not be able to follow. I climbed up the ladder and encountered Radagast making a meal out of the climb, the train lurched and the rung I was standing on snapped, my hands outstretched grabbing out for anything other than air my fingers gained purchase on something, gripping it tightly I held on for about two seconds. It turns out it was Radagast’s belt and trousers, being cheap and ill fitting they could not support his breeches let alone the weight of a falling preacher, the trousers slipped more and as they gained momentum I slid further down. Sheer panic at the Lords absence in saving his servant, I reached out trying to grab anything, it all happened so quickly.

I found myself underneath the linkage joining the carriages, did the Lord abandon me? I realise not, he was showing me the way, he must want me to unhook the carriage, saving the passengers and leaving Mr Hemmingway, it is his design and he must have need of Mr Hemmingway somewhere else. I pull the pin and release the coupling, and the carriage starts to slowly part from the train, music plays (think Doc Emmet Brown, Back to the Future™ during the thunderstorm the cable has broken (this will not be the last inference to the film)) my foot is caught in the linkage of the other carriage and whilst I wriggle my foot free the music plays, and pain shoots down my leg as I bear the weight of the carriage for a few seconds. It must be the Lord punishing me for not decoupling the carriage straight away. Radagast peers down at me.
"Need any help?” An offer from aid by anyone else would normally be gratefully be accepted and needed, but remember this is Radagast dear reader.
“Er” my mind working feverishly, does he mean do I need help as in help moving off this mortal coil?
Could he mean, does my face need helping to melt off my face? Of course he could have meant do I need help climbing back up, but let’s be fair this is Radagast so unsure of what he meant I replied.
“Er no, thanks. I’m fine. It’s actually quite pleasant being this close to the ground at seventy mile an hour.”
“Okay then” and he was gone, slightly relieved at Radagast’s departure I assessed my situation, and however I looked at it, the word is dire.

“Well I can’t wait around here all day, the Lords works won’t do itself” I said to no one. I got my Bull Whhip (it has two H’s to make the sound, when you blow on glass to clean it “whhhh”) Whootish it wrapped round the top rung a bulls eye hit, praying to the Lord for strength I pulled myself up.

The sight when I got to the top was one not to behold, the majesty of the scenery was completely lost on me as Radagast is on all fours slowly making his way across the roof of the train with his arse on view for the world to see. My options are to wait behind Radagast and enjoy the view or leap over him, I chose the latter. I cleared Radagast and saw Mr The South jump in the engine compartment of the train, shortly followed by Mr Winters, they both disappear from sight and pop back up again, Radagast pushes past me and jumps into the tender. I hear a brief discussion about the train going to quickly for the bridge over the ravine, I believe it is called Clayton ravine. I overheard a man with white wild hair, and a short young man with strange Indian shoes discussing this very issue. So I shout over to Mr Winters and Mr The South.
“Don’t worry I overheard two fella’s talking, they said when this baby gets up to 88 miles an hour we’re gonna see some serious s#!t. And we need to think fourth dimensionally, in the future the bridge is finished and stronger!”

Obliviously emboldened by this new information they try pulling levers to make the train faster, however the opposite happens as the brakes go on and they put the train into reverse. All kinds of stuff starts happening at the same time, but let me try to put it in some kind of order.
1) The train leaves the tracks

2) The train starts to plummet into the ravine

3) Mr The South and Mr Winters are hugging saying how much of a pleasure it had been to work with one another.

4) Radagast is holding onto the tender as his undergarments are turning him into some kind of kite.

5) I pull my Bull Whhip and Whootish try to swing to safety from one of the stanchion’s of the bridge. God obviously has a different plan for me.

6) I hold on, with very little else to do I take in the vista, and whew it is stunning. I look down and see the biggest creature I have ever seen, even the ones in fairy stories are smaller.

7) The squelch sound was like, like, like……….. like nothing I’ve ever heard before

8.) We survived, and we have travelled back in time to a prehistoric age.

9) I realise we have not travelled back in time, as I can make out the bridge which means the Lord works in mysterious ways and has once again protected his servants.

We salvage teeth from the creature and Radgast harvests something. We scrape together whatever provisions we can, water from the Tender, meat from the pigs and stay the night. In the morning we decide to head off in the general direction of Denver.

Walking

Walking

Still Walking.

Then we see movement we draw weapons, the movement gets closer and it is a much smaller version of the thing that saved our lives by giving its own. It did not seem happy to see us, maybe it’s because we are carrying various bits of the creature possibly this ones mother on us. Mr The South squeezes a round off aiming very carefully for its head, and it bounces of its thick skin, I holster my weapons and draw my sabre, I ask god to give me the strength to vanquish this beast. It whhips its tail at Radagast and I, but we manage to evade it. I move in close and strike the creature, the attack draws blood but doesn’t penetrate its’ thick hide. The creature lashes out again this time targeting Mr The South and Mr Winters, they dodge this attack and return fire. Mr The South loses his mind and thinks he can Whhip the creature, corral and break it to use as a steed. He obviously has forgotten how big the other creature was, he would spend all his days feeding and cleaning up after it!!

Things are getting serious and Radgast draws on his powers and the cards appear in his hands, he fans them and the creature is momentarily stunned but shrugs it off, it lashes out at Radgast and I again missing. Mr Winters and Mr The south pump more lead into it, I thrust my sabre into its belly and the creature keels over. Go!!! Team God!!!