TOPIC: Shattered Obelisk

It's been a while.........

The Crow sat in the tree, this had been a great hunting ground, with all the big little things, bashing the bigger big things food was plentiful. Up until the moment about to happen, the crow had had a nice life, not a care in the world, fly, eat sleep, repeat. In fact, the Crow as Crows are, was aware but didn’t care other than fly, east, sleep, repeat.

Do Crows get headaches? There is a question you never thought about……

This Crow did, it started as a dull throb, but now it was like the light was far too bright, the world seemed too intense (There’s a joke for you, I can’t take the pressure of camping, it’s too in tents)
To the outside world and if anyone were observing, which there wasn’t, the question remains. If a Crow falls out of a tree and lands on the ground, does it make a sound? Yes it does and it was a gentle Thud!

The Crow felt as if his head was about to……. POP……..

“Hi Dave”

“Oh no! Please not them” Said the God Sarge.

“Nar, is that you?”

The God Sarge picked up his multifaceted rock with numbers on it and showed it to the people around him. But it was far too late.

“Been a while hasn’t it Dave?” asked Nar-ator the God of Voice overs

“Has it?” Replied Dave the Crow briskly “I wouldn’t know would I, as I am either here or nowhere, so time would seem to have a different passing for me, when I am not here.”

“The dynamic duo ride again eh! Dave!!” Said Nar-ator in a jovial way

“Is that the follow up movie to “The Dark knight Rises”?” asked Dave

“No, that would be “The Batman”” Replied Nar-ator “”The Dark Knight Rises” was like Thirteen years ago!”

“That Long, huh! Thirteen years, let me try that in number format, 13 years, nope still feels the same”

“Don’t be like that Dave”

“Well you know that’s a pretty long time, I suppose I have missed everything, with Maria, Jebado, Oz, Flint and Elias, I can’t wait to catch up.”

“Er, No Dave, they haven’t been around for 7 years”

“Where have they been, then?” Asked Dave

“Same as you, really in Limbo”

“Isn’t limbo something you do, rather than go, I am sure I have seen it, done with sticks, and there is always one smart arse, showing off their flexibility”

“Not that kind of Limbo, Dave. I mean as in “Stuck in Limbo”

“That would be painful to be stuck like that under that stick” Cut in Dave quickly

“I think we can leave the limbo, I mean they have been everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.” Nar-ator said tetchily.

“So, where are they now then” enquired Dave

“Dunno”

“So, what I am I doing here then?” Asked Dave

“New Group!”

“Your shittin’ me, a new group. Nope not doing it”

“Ah well you are see, as GM says you are, so you are. Lets just pop or you can fly to a homestead about half a days travel from here. See you there”

“WTF, where, I bloody hate it when you do that NAR!!!!”

Dave landed on the roof of the cottage.

“A young half-orc, opened the door and stepped through, singing merrily to himself.

“Choppa’s gonna Chop,

Who's the guy that won't chop out when there's danger all about?

Chop!

They say my axe is a bad mother.. Shut your mouth. But I’m talkin about Chop.

Then we can chop it”

(If you don’t get the reference and there is no reason you would, please see Shaft theme tune, on the advise Nar-ator)

Just over the hill and out of sight of the cottage the Young half-orc called Choppa meets some Gnolls “who are up to no good, they are about to start causing trouble in the neighbourhood”

“Stop it Nar. With the Tv show tunes!!”

“Sorry, Yes”

“Where is a fine axe wielding Orc like yourself off to?” Asked one of the Gnolls

“Gonna go Chopping”

“Where you going? Over there” The knoll points to a copse of trees

“Yup, just there”

“Well you can’t see, ‘cause thems our trees!”

“Since when?” asked Choppa

“Since this morning when we bought the land from the Baron”

“Oh, got any proof”

“Yeah” the Gnoll shows Choppa a piece of paper with markings on it.

“Well that certainly does look right, where am I gonna Chop then?” He asked more to himself than to anyone.

“Well there is a lovely set of trees that need a….. Pruning, just over there over there, about 40 minutes walk just over the Knoll” said the Gnoll.

“Nar, there is a gag there” said Dave

“is there?”

“Yes Gnoll and Knoll” replied Dave

“Don’t get it, you are just saying the same thing”

Meanwhile Choppa walks off in the direction the Gnolls have pointed him towards and says “Oh thanks, see you then.” The Gnolls wait till he is out of sight and make their way towards the cottage.

POP!

Dave appears outside a Wizards tower “What just happened” asked Dave, “I feel sick”

“We don’t have time for you to fly things are moving too fast”

“Blarghh!!!”

“Pavement Pizza. Lovely! Dave”


A elvish looking peron, with not quite so pointy ears was amusing himself with books, (Nar-ator here, not those kinds of books you smut merchant).

The half elf was daydreaming about being the greatest mage in the world, Gendolf the Humungous, wizard of power. He had hoped being master of the tower would be more entertaining but he was bored. He’d already had second breakfast by Ten am and Elevensies right on Eleven it was half way to lunch time. This was not the type of humungous Gendolf was planning on but a diet of ten thousand calories a day takes its toll.

POP!!

“CAW, Blarrgh!!”

“You okay Dave?”

“The name meal worm is in the title, but it does not taste as good second, or third time up”

“Thought you avian chaps, liked a bit of regurgitated food?”

“Well yeah, as fledglings we do, nothing better than your mom’s dinner, you know how it is. But you fly the coup and have to look after yourself, you get used to doing things for yourself. So it has been a while, Nar it’s been a while”.

At the cottage a young Tiefling is tending to her studies of Medicine and herbalism, not quite sure what use this will be as Divine healing seemed to be the way forward rather than smelly poultices.
However, she did have to concede that your average peasant will take a poultice over actual healing as to them it just seems more real. When the hermit Master Don enters the room hurriedly.
Master Don looked

“Like a big hairy elephant!” interjected Dave

“No” Master Don LOOKED like the years had not been so kind as his nature. He took in life’s waifs and strays, the people the human folk shunned, like a poor Half-orc child he found.

When he found Choppa, he had been a long way from the sword coast. Master Don back then was a bard trying to find that one ballad that would make him one of the greats and had been following, at a respectful distance, a group of adventurers. These heroes had come across an orcish encampment and that was all they wrote. The child had been hidden away and remained there silent, until Don discovered him . It was the same with the Tiefling child “Raven”

Don’t like her”

“What Dave?”

“Raven, orrible creatures, nasty with other bird types”

“Okay Dave!”

“Just sayin’ that’s all”

Raven the Tiefling child had been run out of her home with what we shall call a peasant revolt, the whole pitchfork thing, she got separated from her family in the commotion.
Master Don found her in the woods, the three of them waited for days together and kept checking back on the home to see if anyone came looking, but no one did.

Don decided that day his legacy would be instead of song, it would be these children.

“Back story done for an irrelevant character Nar?”

“Yup”

“Will we ever hear of this Master Don, again Nar?”

“Probably not Dave, probably not.”

“What’s he doin’ again Nar, see how helpful I am bringing us back”

“Yes, thanks Dave”

Master Don enters the room hurriedly.

“Raven, I need you to run to the village and fetch help a large group of Gnolls are headed this way”

“Don’t be daft master, it would take millennia for Knolls to make it to here, all those tectonic shifts won’t happen in minutes.”

“Not Knolls, GNOLLS”

“Well done Nar getting’ that one in”

“Thanks Dave, I do try”

Raven hurriedly, put the bookmark on the page she was reading, made a note of the paragraph, put the book back on the shelf and excited the cottage round the back.

POP!!

“Blarghh”

“Thought you would be empty by now Dave”

“You would think so wouldn’t you”

At the village Inn a Dwarf called Gudren Rockseeker and his friend a human called Sildar.

“Hang on Nar. Are these two also going to get a ridiculous and unnecessary back story. If so I’ll come back in ten minutes”

“No Dave, these are adventure hooks, plot devices needed to take the story forward and one if not both will make future appearances”

“I’ll hold you to that Nar”

“Not a problem Dave”

At the village Inn a Dwarf called Gudren Rockseeker and his friend a human called Sildar.

“What’s the name of the Inn, Nar?”

“Does it matter?”

“You’re the one fleshing things out”

“Just for you we will call it the “Prancing Pony”

“Come up with that all by yourself did you Nar?”

“Well it was all I could think of”

“I’d watch out for the Tolkien estate if I was you”

“No need credit given to the right person, thanks to you Dave, can I continue?”

Gudren and Sildar are in the “INN” talking with a youthful Gary and Ashley, a couple of young humans. They have had a bit of a hard start in life but nonetheless they try to do the right thing. They are currently in rapture listening to the exploits of Gudren and the Harpers and Sildar and the order of the Gauntlet. The door blows open, with a strong wind.

“hmmm, ha, ha,ha”

“Child”

Raven stands in the doorway, hands on hips looking heroic.

“Help Master Don, has Gnolls after him”

“Listen lassie, I’m a dwarf and we know a thing or two about Knolls, and you cannot be under attack from a Knoll, not even a grassy one, you can get shot from a Knoll, but not attacked by one”

“Not Knolls, but GNOLLS”

“Liking that gag, aren’t you Nar”

“Come on Sildar, lets go help Don out” Sildar and Gudren swing into action and run out of the Inn. Gudren pops his head back round the door.

“Are you two coming or not?”

POP!!

“Blarghh!” …… “I hate you”

When Master Don sent Raven on her way, to the village he rushed to the back room and pulled the cloth form the Crystal ball given to him by Elias

“OOH now we are talkin’”

“Not that Elias, GM was in a hurry and needed a name”

“Elias, you said if I need your help to call, well I need your help”

“Hi, Yeah, Well Master Elias is away on a trip, some wizard convention, but Ja I can certainly help”

“Who are you Kid?”

“Er, less of the Kid, I am Gendolf the Humongous, I will aid you.” Gendolf turns and runs away for the crystal.

“If that kid is gonna run all the way here, I’m toast” thought Master Don. Remember we said he had a kind nature “But the exercise will do him good” he mused.

POP!!

“Blarghh” …”Just when you think, there is nothing left”
Dave steadied himself with his chest hurting.
“Why am I here Nar, other than to throw up every couple of minutes?”

“That’s a big question Dave, why are any of us here?”

“No I mean why, am I here, I don’t have anything to do with this story, I don’t even have a vested interest.”

“Did you have a vested interest in the other one?”

“Er, yeah I really cared”

“Well you see you are here because when I am narrating I need a birds eye view of events”

“Oh, that’s a good one”

The door of the wizard tower burst open, and Gendolf is running like the wind for the cottage.

POP!!

“Blarghh”…….. “no more. Dear Gm no more”

Choppa loves to chop and he takes a swing at the young trees, he prefers his wood a little older …………..

“I am waiting for your childish, giggle”

“Not coming, I feel like my insides are outside, I would like to say I have nothing left, but hey we seem to find something every time.”

“That was the last one”

“Way to go, I got nothing”

He strikes the tree and it squeals in pain. A most unusual response for a tree.

Choppa tries another, same squeal, and another and another. This is most unusual Choppa takes aim at an other when a full sized tree he could have sworn was not there a moment before is next to him, but hey never look a gift horse in the mouth, he swings back and his axe is frozen in mid air unmoving, somehow it got caught in the branches of the tree that he feels sure was not there moments ago.

“Do you like hurting the saplings” comes a voice from nowhere.

“Er if you mean trees, not hurting just chopping, my names Choppa and I got chop”

“Well stop it, you are hurting my children, or I will hurt you”

“Not hurting them, just vigorous pruning “

“STOP, STOP, STOP” wheezes Gendolf. “What are you doing?”

“Having a conversation with a tree I think” replied Choppa.

“This is a Treant sacred grove, why would you come here to attack the Treants”

“Well I couldn’t get wood from where I normally go.”

“Why not?”

“These talking dog creatures told me to come here”

“You mean Gnolls”

“NAR leave it!!”

“He must pay” says the Treant

“Got no coin, Mr Tree” replies Choppa

“He knows no better, show him some mercy, no lasting harm done”

“Hmmm”

“Where do I get the wood from now?”

“Shutup not here, let’s go because Your Master called for aid” Gendolf and Choppa set forth for the cottage running at pace.

“You gonna follow them Dave, I mean we can just ……”

“Nope I can follow them, Dave jumps up and takes to the skies following Gendolf and Choppa, from his high vantage point he can also see Raven, Gary, Ashely, Gudren and Sildar running towards the cottage. At the cottage the place has been turned upside down and Master Don is on the floor, and it looks like the two groups will meet there at the same time.

“Nicely Done Nar”

“Thanks Dave”

“Thought you said Master Don was a Bard?”

“He is”

“Well how has he been beaten up by a gang of Gnolls”

“Er…….. Plot device”

“Lot of that going around lately”

We could go into the battle, but it was not much of a battle and the Gnolls were quickly defeated.

“You guys were great” Says Gudren, “You would actually make a good group for adventuring!”

“That’s something to think on”

“That’s weak Nar, even for you that’s weak!”

“It’s all I got”

“That dross is all you got, we are in trouble”

Gudren for fifty gold pieces hires Raven, Ashley Gendolf, Gary and Choppa, to take a wagon of provisions to Phandalin. It will be a couple of days before its ready and he cannot wait to get there. He bids them farewell and a safe journey.

“I’ll see you in a few days in Phandalin”

Dave is flying high and happy not to be throwing up. Following the cart driven by the wizard Gendolf. Dave musing to himself thinks this is a very strange wizard, he has never actually seen one work before. Not do stuff, he has seen plenty of wizards do stuff, but not actually any work. Along side the cart Gary, Ashely ,Raven and Choppa are walking beside it. The cart comes to a stand still in part of the forest that Dave recognises, this is where he woke up. Only this time a couple of horses are just chewing the grass, it really was a good foraging spot.
Although meal worm was plentiful here and Dave is as always hungry, recent events mean Dave can no longer look a meal worm in the eye.

Choppa looks around.

“Looks like a scuffle, has happened here, the tracks go into the woods, looks like something was being dragged.”

Ashley picks up a Scroll Case, which he recognises as the one Gudren had.

Gary and Raven find bits and pieces that they saw Sildar wearing.

Whilst Gendolf ties the horses to the wagon.

“Perhaps we should follow the tracks?” says Choppa, Ashley and Gary agree but Gendolf wants to make the delivery. Raven intervenes and it is decided they will investigate.

Following the tracks Ashley takes point, he finds and disables a couple of traps and after a couple of hours he hears talking, not that he can make out the language. Ashley returns to the group and advises everyone Gendolf Decides to sneak ahead and see f he can understand.

This really is a strange wizard Dave thinks to himself. Moving forward he hears voices.

He makes out the voices of Goblins

“This is my third evening shift in a row”

“I know right, I never get a morning shift, evening or late”

“Yeah, we should complain or somthin’”

“but who would listen?”

Gendolf steps forward.

“GentleGobs” he starts

“I was just passing this way and I could not help but over hear your conversation”

“You were just passing this way, out here in the middle of nowhere with only one path in or out!”

“You mean, you were just passing tup this path to go back down the said same path after finding out there is only a cave here?”

“The very same.” Dave thinks he is done for, a young wizard out gunned four to one with only two spells.

“Yes” replies Gendolf.

“Seems reasonable to me, so you overheard so what?”

“Well I am from the Unionists Union and I must say you cannot be treated this way, you have rights.”

“See we have rights”

“Yes well, al you need to do is put in writing what you are being asked to do and take it to the boss and he will have to change, the rota”

“Well that or cut my headoff!”

“He can’t do that it is against Union rules”

“Okay, so how do we do this”

“Well as I said you need to put it in writing”

“Can't write mate”

“Well I can assist with that”

“Sure”

“So you are all fully paid up members of the Union ?”

“Er no”

“Would you like to join?”

“Yeah”

“Just one gold piece each and…….”

“One gold each, you robbin…….”

At that moment arrows fly from the tree line killing two instantly and the boss on the top of the tower who had been watching the below with some interest failed to notice Ashley climb up the side and did not notice anything until the coup de gras, in fact probably did not even notice that. The combat is short.

Just inside the cave some wolfs are chained to a wall and they are eyeing Dave suspiciously, however their focus is taken up with Raven, who seems to think they are good puppies .
Ashley quick thinking hacks of a goblin leg and feeds it to the hungry wolves allowing them safe passage. To which and Dave is surprised by this.

“I am surprised Nar, surprised I am the only living thing that found that slightly repulsive the hacking of a dead leg even if it is on a goblin to feed to the wolves. Good job I had nothing left in the tank thanks to you.”

The passage is expertly cut but parts look like they have been hewed by beings and other parts look naturally formed. A small stream goes through the middle. The smell of cooking is coming off from a side chamber down the corridor.

Ashley takes off ahead to scout and sees a room with two large goblins and four regular types of goblin, three are on a higher level and suspended in cage on the higher level is the unconscious form of Sildar.

Choppa burst forth attacking the big goblin, Raven and Gendolf hang back Gary rushes forward to aid Choppa and Ahsley is dancing in and out, the three on the bottom layer are despatched quickly.

The goblins on the upper floor look panicked, the big one goes for a crossbow to shoot Sildar, whilst one of the smaller ones is rushing towards the war drum to sound the alarm.

The big goblin takes some hits and the sound of bells keeps going off, but he stays on his feet. Choppa smashes the drum over the little goblins head and the other one fails to notice Ashley.

The big Goblin swings at Choppa and knocks him down, and then takes a swing at Gary, taking him out of the fray as well. However, Ashley, Raven and Gendolf prove to be too much and despatch them quickly.

Taking a rest Ashley scouts ahead and finds a barracks. With four goblins in and a Worg.He returns to the group. Sildar badly beaten is heading of to Phandalin, as he is no use to them and would only be a hinderance.

“See Dave, Sildars back”

“Nice plot device, however how has a seasoned adventurer been beaten up by Goblins” asks Dave

“Er…. There were a lot of them”

“Nice, lame but nice retort”

The Worg proves to be the bigger danger than the goblins who have a terrible day at the office, as they all die quickly.

Scavaing the room for clues of Gudren

“See Gudren is back to, Dave”

“This is tenuous at best Nar”

The Worg is overpowered however the party is fairly well beaten. They do find a map though to a treasure room.

The map has two “x’s” on it one in red over the drawing of Stalagmites and Stalactites and another just before them.

They go and investigate. The smalle X has a bag of gems. They notice a chest at the back of the room. Making their way across they are attacked by Piercers and Ropers. This does nearly kill the group, but they find away as heroes always do.

“Look at that Nar, lot of nice things in that chest.”

“Yes, Dave a good haul, Two pairs of Night Goggles, useful for a Human. Scrolls with useful spells, A pendant where the wearer stabilises if they are killed. An indestructible spell book and a green glowing choppy axe thing.”

“Is the GM Sarge, ‘cause he seems to have gotten a bit free flowing with the magic items”

“No Dave, this is a far more benevolent GM, not quite with the power of the stare and the multifaceted jewel, but a GM”

“I think these guys might actually make it Nar”

“One last film quote, if you don’t mind Dave”

“Er., go on then”

“They may survive but remember “Stupid as Stupid Does”

“Fair point Nar, fair point”

“Caw, Caw”

“Everything alright Dave?” enquired Nar-ator

“Yeah just wanted to make sure I am still here”

“Well you are, and so am I, and so are our young heroes.”

“Suppose you want me to follow them again?” asked Dave

“Yes and find out. What’s the story in Phan-dalin, wouldn’t you like to know.” Sang Nar “Or for those of you a bit older, shall we see what’s through the round window?”

“Shall we just leave the old tv programmes Nar?” As Dave took off to find our heroes, just entering the small town of Phandalin from the North.

“Do you think he drove the wagon here all on his own, in that condition?” Asked Ashley out loud but to no one in particular

“I’m amazed he got it here with that double vision” replied Raven

“I thought it would have been upside down and on fire in a ditch, where it would have needed a good choppin’ an….” Said Choppa excitedly just before he was interrupted by Gendolf

(Nar-ator tip here for the next bit of speech read the words as they are spelt)

“Ya, I zink it is amarsing , wiz zat concushion, he could do anyzing, really”

“He’d better not have run off with our wagon, that’s all I’m sayin” Said Gary punching a fist into the palm of his other hand. (because he is a monk he takes 1d6 + 3 damage)

“It is his cart Gary” said Ashley

“No, it was Gudren’s cart, and we won’t get paid unless we take it to Barthen’s provisions.” Said a grumpy Gary.

“What do you think happened to Gudren?” Asks Raven.

“What do you think happened to the cart first” replied Grumpy Gary.

“I zay, you Pea Zant, Ya, you ozer zere”

Gendolf gesticulates at a middle aged man working in his garden.

“Ya, you Pea Zant, where iz za centre of ze town?”

Silence fills the space where sound would normally be.

Dave puts a wing over his face. The peasant or if you prefer the person from the town as we do not know if they are peasant or not. Mulls the question over.

“Well to answer your question, young master, hmmmm” he thinks
“To answer you question without sounding patronising, is far too difficult for me. So I’ll just come out with it. You will find the centre of the town, in the centre of the town. I mean you just keep walkin’ up this, wha’ we locals like to call the main road. I knows it don’t look much, but to us, ah! Pea Zants. This is like a dual carriage way. Well yer, just walk up and you will eventually come to tha centre, it is quite recognisable as you reach a certain point and you are then walking out of town. I am sure one of the Pea Zants, will ask why you are leaving without stopping for something to eat at the Stonehill Inn, and then you will realise you have been through the centre. Now please excuse me I need to get back to fertilizin ma petunias.”

Everyone looks at Gendolf.

They carry on up the road and Gary speeds up as he spots the wagon parked outside the Stonehill Inn.

“You beauty!!” Rubbing his hands together, he takes a quick look at the inventory in the wagon, happy it still somewhat resembles what they were escorting and hops up into the driving seat of the cart.
“You, yes You. Where is Barthen’s supplies situated?” the local not one to miss this opportunity having overheard Gendolf’s question and reply.

“Well, it all depends upon your point view, for you, you keep following the road and just before you leave town it is on the right. However if you enter town from the south is it at the entrance of the town. On the left” He looks pretty smug with himself.

“Alrigh’ Alrigh. You’ve had your fun with him.”

“Gary, what about Sildar? Shouldn’t we check on him first? Make sure he is okay? That he made it to the Inn? That he is getting the help he needs?” Asks Raven.

“Like Her Nar”

“Thought you said something about Raven’s”

“I may have judged a bird by its feathers. However at least Raven is trying to keep things moving!”

“Who needs a story….”

“Well you Nar, otherwise you have no reason for being here”

“Nah!, ten gold is ten gold and that’s each, Sildar will keep for ten minutes” says Gary his mood lightening at the sight of the cart. They travel the one minute ride to Barthen’s supplies.

Ashley enters the store, whilst Gary jumps off the wagon. A few moments later Ahsley re-appears with a human woman. Her eyes widen.

“You are Gudren’s people. He told me you could do it!! Wait till I see him” she says excitedly

“My name’s Gary, and these are my associates, there was some talk of payment?”

“Oh yes, yes, 10 gold each” she produces her purse and pays up.

“’ere why are you so happy about a shipment, and paying many many monies out?” Asks Choppa

“I’ve not had a delivery for 4 weeks, they have not made it his far.” Says the lady

“Why?” asks Choppa Bluntly

“I think it has something to do with….” She looks conspiratorially around.

Now remember Reader these are supposed to be just hard working people, no airs and graces.

“The Ruffian’s”

“The what Ian’s” ask Choppa

“The Redbrand Ruffian’s”

“Well that’s a name isn’t it Nar”

“Yes Dave, I didn’t write this”

“Yes you did Nar, just then, you wrote it just then”

“No I ….”

“You did I can see it, look up five lines its quite clearly written”

“May I continue?”

“Sure”

“The Redbrand ruffian’s” Continues the shop lady who we will give a name to Elemina Barthen, “they come into town, smashing the place up, extorting money, beating people up, they even killed poor old “No back Story Thel Drendar” and now his wife and daughters have gone missing to boot”

“Gotta say a gang with Ruffian’s in the name don’t sound too menacing” says Choppa, “Why don’t we just go and beat ‘em up a bit and get justice for old ….”

“Thel Drendar, I remember he carved wood” Exclaimed Elemina, not sure why she just blurted that out

“Is that a booming industry in a frontier town, with a gold rush, or Gold Slow going on?” Asks Gary

“I dunno, but he stood up to them and they killed him for it, there were several witnesses”

“Ohh I Zay Who are zay? So we con question zem.” Says Gendolf.

“Not Sure, but there were several”

“Nar- this is weaker than tea with just milk and water and no Tea bag”

“Don’t blame me, it is what it is”

“This wouldn’t happen under the GM Sarge, that’s for sure”

“I agree Dave, I agree”.

“Well Okay, lady. I think we will just be on our way, people to see, things to do, you know” says Ashley herding the group back towards the Stonehill Inn. The door to the Inn is opened the old-fashioned way, not kicked in, blown open set on fire or any other method than turning the latch.

“Ziz is quant” says Gendolf looking around. There are several people gathered in the room, all with snippets of information to give our heroes.

“Any back Stories Nar?”

“Nope”

They go over to Sildar’s table where he is having his wounds tended and head with some evil smelling poultice. Raven sniffs the air, yup local remedies, you can actually build houses with this stuff, she thought.

“How’s it going Sil?” Asks Gary

“Bit informal that isn’t it Nar?”

“He is an informal sort of guy Dave.”

To pass time quickly as it was boring for the heroes. They chat, eat and get rooms at the Stonehill Inn. Taking the night off for a well-earned rest.
In the Tavern the chat with various people and get clues of who to talk to in Phandelvin!

“Right Dave you ready for this”

“For What?”

“Queue Montage”

………Ethereal music of Eye of the Tiger…………

Pictures of our Heroes’ chatting with various people, in various locations. Looking thoughtful.

“Well, that was different Nar”

“I try”

“Right then, seems we have cleaned up all the missions in this area.” Says Gary “Worth a fine penny to boot”

“To boot What? Point me at it I’ll boot it” says Choppa excitedly

“Ah you zilly, Chopa, it iz a torn of phraise” say Gendolf as if explain to a child, which to be fair he is.

“I wanna boot them Ruffian’s”

“I think we should do the Banshee first?” says Raven in a questioning manner

“Ooer Missus” says Ashley

“Ok” says Gary, they gather all the provisions and get a cart and set off.

A booming Voice fills the air “IT SAYS YOU NEED TO BE LEVEL THREE FOR THIS CHAPTER, WHY DOES IT SUGGEST YOU CAN DO THIS AND THEN SAY THAT. YOU LOT TURN ROUND AND DO THE RUFFIAN’S FIRST, YOU ARE ONLY LEVEL TWO”

“Who was that Nar?”

“New GM, bit of a Nob really, Dave”

“Ruffians it is then” says Choppa excitedly.

“Let’s go and get the kid from the farm and he can show us his hole” says Ashley

“Sounds a bit wrong, that Ash” Says Gary

Admonished Ashley continues “I meant, his secret passage, no else knows about.”

“You dirty beggar” Exclaims Raven

“Not going to win here am I” Ashley says to no one.

“Straight into this one Dave.”

“Ok Nar”
……….
They follow Toben one of the Crofters young son’s, who had followed some Ruffians, who snuck back in the hideout through a secret entrance. He gesticulates

........
“Hmm,mmm mmm”

“Behave Dave”
………
towards the brambles, pulling them partial aside a rough hewn entrance is revealed.

“SEE, I Told YOU, HE KNEW A SECRET PASSAGE” Ashley exclaims rather too loudly for people about to sneak into a unknown building.

“SSSHHH” hisses Gary, “ You should know better Ash” Grumbling and muttering Ashley enters

………
“I’m waiting Dave”

“Wouldn’t dream of it Nar”
……….

The passage

………
“CAW, CAW , CAW CAW” Dave is holding his sides
“Grow Up”
………..

Ashley squeezes through the 100 feet or so and enters into a large room under the manor house, he cautiously looks around and there are no imminent dangers, motions his fellows along.

The room is about 100 feet long and 30 to forty feet in places. It looks like an underground river once went through with thousands of years of erosion carving out a ravine, about 20 or 30 feet deep. At some point the floor had collapsed creating what is here now. A bridge is handily placed only 20 feet in for people to cross safely.

“Which way?” asks Raven

“Left is best or right for a fight” Replies Gary, everyone says left except, a now looking crest fallen Choppa.

Ash checks for traps, on the floors, on the bridge. It is taking a while whilst everyone else stands motionless waiting for the all clear. Whilst Ash is performing his now almost natural tasks of checking stuff out, a memory from long ago comes to his mind. When he was an orphan and the nice people who had taken him in for a while. Unsure why he was thinking of that, he calls over gently

“It’s okay”

“Wha?” asks Choppa shrugging his shoulders.

“C’mon, it’s okay” Whispers Ash again

“Er Vat iz he sayong?” asks Gendolf

.......
“Here Nar. Why does, he not do what Elias does and use that message to talk”

“Third level Dave, third level, they are only two”
........

Ash whispers slightly louder “Will you lot stop mucking about and C’mon”

“VAT, is he sayong, Chop?”

“No Idea, what you’re saying let alone him” comes the reply

“He wants us to go over the bridge” says Gary who had been looking the other way worried about others using the secret tunnel.

“Vell, vie, did he not zay zo!, Za zilly mon!!”

The cross the bridge with Raven at the back of the group. As Raven’s is crossing the bridge thoughts of her childhood spring to mind with lessons on Infernal language, but the secret lessons in Abyssal.

They move cautiously along a very short corridor. Where Ash hears the sound of voices

“asdhodi asidh adiasd”

“hdhadaiur ijdijdj asoaoa”

“mo”

“HAW, HAW, HAW”

“sdodioohsd ajfdfishd” Ash puts his fingers to his lips and then cups his ear with his left hand whilst mimicking a mouth moving with his right hand. Looking back at the blank faces of his fellows, he motions for a huddle.

“Right, finger to the lips means be quiet, got it”

“Yeah.”

Reader please note that some sentences may contain product placement.

“Could mean you just had some tasty chicken, and its finger lickin’ good”

“No Choppa, it means be quiet” explains Ash again

“Ah! But it could mane, loook up” says Gendolf

“In what universe, would that possible ever mean that!!”

“Carry on Ash” says Raven

“the cupping of my ear, means”

“You’re hard of hearing?” asks Choppa

“Are you purposely being obtuse, Choppa?”

“Vie, Vould you zink he is at over ninety degrees angle, but less than one eighty?” Says Gendolf

“Oh, my god”

“Which one is that?” asks Raven

“Et tu Brute”

“Think you meant Et tu Raven” says Gary helpfully

“The cupping of the ear, means I am hearing something”

“Did you hear something?” Asks Gary, Ash looks his friend straight in the eyes

Why on earth else do you think I cupped my hand to my ear.”

“Thought we had just covered that” replies Raven

“FFFFFFMMM!!”

“Yes I heard voices”

“In your head or actual voices?” asks Choppa

“Actual voices, Chop, I mean c’mon guys”

“Vat Ver zay zaying?”

“Dunno, I couldn’t understand the language” an exasperated Ash replies.

“Und Vie, ve are on zer converzation, what does a moving pot ah toe mane?”

“What!!??” exclaims Ash, Gendolf perfectly mimics what Ash did

“That’s quite easy actually” replies Choppa “Yea that means talking” Everyone looks at Choppa

“Okay can we carry on now?” asks an irritated Ashley

“Er vat vaz zer fingor to ze lips mane, agone?”

………
“What they were saying is quite easy Nar, the one fella was saying, see if you can make him wet himself again Nosk”

“I know Dave”

“Then the other fella said, Nah get him to faint”

“I know Dave”

“Then another fella said watch this”

“I know Dave”

“Then they all laughed”

“I know Dave”
………

“Are we all okay with what the hand signals mean now?” a general agreement. “Shall we?” several nods

“Right I’m gonna pick the lock”

“I can boot it in”

“Chop that makes a lot of noise”

“You pick zer look, ah vill go in and talk viz zem” Ash looks at Gary. Gary Shrugs and nods. Ash looks at Raven. Raven nods gives her approval. Ash looks at Choppa, he looks miffed but agrees.
Ash silently picks the lock, and takes up a position ready for action. Gary Hides very well, Raven and Choppa hang back. Gendolf enters the room. Inside are four Bugbears and a sobbing well beaten goblin. The Bug Bears are currently sat around a table.

“ Gentle Mon, Ah am froom zer elf and zafty commison, and ziz place is loff hable.”

A very deep voice from one of the Bug Bears

“Who the F are you?”

“Zorry, Zorry, Ma Gnome is Barry Cetamol, und Ah am froom zer elf and zafty commison”

The bug Bears stand up.

“Dunno what this one is tyring to pull Nosk, but can I hurt him. Quite a lot” says another BugBear.

The one called Nosk replies, “Yeah you can stick the Long pig”

“Evra Zing iz undar control. Zituation Gnomal”

“What’s it doing” asks another BugBear

“Ah slite, veapons malfunction, but it’s alright now”

“Get the boys up” motions one of the bug bear to the other

“No, Negatove, er, ve hod a reactor loke. Give ma a few minuets to look it don”

“Who are you?”

Gendolf lets loose with a burning hands and runs off shouting “zat vaz a booring converzation anyway”

Gary bursts into the room getting surprise and strikes one of the bug bears

Ash fires an arrow missing everyone

Choppa steams in like a threshing machine and hits the same bug bear. Raven makes the sound of bells appear but that has no effect. Gendolf kills it with some more bells.

Onto the next Gary swings and misses, Gary punches and misses. Gary gets hit back, Choppa strikes a good hit.

Ashley fires an arrow and misses everyone.

Raven makes the sound of bells to no effect, and Gendolf does them same to little effect.

Gary swing and hits killing another Bugbear, Another one swings and hits Choppa and gets hit right back.

Ashley fires an arrow and misses everyone.

Raven makes the sound of bells and kills this one, only one left. Gendolf burning hands for not a lot but better than nothing. Gary swings and hits, punches and misses. The Bugbear misses, Choppa Chops.

Ashley fires an arrow and misses everyone.

Raven bells and before Gendolf can do anything the goblin springs forth with a dagger into the back of his oppressor and kills him. Raven picks up the arrows and hands them back to Ashley.

“On the Brightside, none of them are broken” She says helpfully. Ashly looks crestfallen. The goblin, purveys the scene.

“Hi, I’m Droop” he says in perfect common. “I thank you my rescuers most resolutely, I am a member of the Scraptop Clan” He certainly does look scraggy in his dirty ripped clothes. They may have been decent once but after the beatings and obvious cruelty he has endured they are now dirty and scraggy.

“Ya, you can zay zat again, zat certainly is a crap top” says Gendolf

“He said Scraptop, it’s his clan, family if you prefer”

“Oh, Zo zorry. Queston, vie do zay call you Droop” Droops starts to undo his trousers.

“That’s enough, that’s enough” says Ashley protecting Droops modesty. “You were saying Droop”

“Yes, it is for the want of a better life, that I ventured far from my clan. I stumbled upon this place and thought it might be good for a bit of a scavenge. I knew nothing of what was under the manor. I must have made too much noise and they came up with this guy they called Glastaff, he seemed to be the boss, he has this nasty little creature a Quasit called Quasy as a pet, any way he lives on this side, anyway I was bought over and locked up in this room. Then them things came in and the one called Nosk, that one, with the treasure purse and key round his neck that unlocks all the doors in the complex. Yeah you might want to check out the corpses. Not sure why you would have one key fits all and then hang it around the first potential encounter you may have but there you go eh! Anway, as I was saying they beat me up a lot and made fun of me and poked me, kept me awake a night, bent my fingernails back, and poured water over my head, strapped me in a chair and zapped me with lightning, set me on fire, twice, rolled me in a mattress and gave me a good kicking That’s what I know and my story”

“Ah, poor little guy” cooed Raven

“Ya, it iz such a Shom” said Gendolf with a tear in his eye

“Can we keep hIm?” Asked Choppa

“Aw” utterd from Ashley

“What a shame” says Gary

………….
“What the actual F….”

“DAVE!!”

“Well Nar, a couple of weeks ago they were happily killing Goblins and hacking legs off to feed to wolves, one bloody sob story and Bam, they are all waterworks and feeling sorry for him”

“People are fickle Dave”

“Not sure what preserving vegetables in vinegar has to do with anything Nar, but people are weird. Glad I’m a bird”
…………

“Shall we press on” says an obviously wounded Gary, not making a fuss.

“Yeah okay”

Ashley goes to the next door checks for traps, peers through the keyhole, listens intently. Puts his finger to his lips, cups his ear, whilst mimicking a mouth moving with his right hand.

Gendolf says quietly “I can go in, Ya and ztart exp planning”

“Enough” says Choppa, he surges forward opening the door. Inside are four humans Red capes on pegs, they are very drunk and playing knuckles.

“Which one of you mother’s wants it first?” asks Choppa

“Wha”……. Choppa chops, not going to too much into this blood bath. It is over quickly.

They move down the corridor. Ashley does what Ashley does, he returns to the group.

“I can hear bubbling and dripping in the next room”

“That is either a slavering monster or something worse” says Choppa

They cautiously open the door, it is alchemical lab

“It’s worse” cries Choppa

“Ya, Ohh my, How vonderful, a vizard lab, look at ziz books, and test tube things”

“Do you know what is going on here Gendolf” Asks Gary

“Ya, zay are trying to mark a pootion of Invos ability” says a smug Gendolf “But not very vell”

Whilst that was going on, Ash upon entering the room went straight to the next door and sees a man sitting at a desk. Even for villains when you are at the top there is always paperwork.

Ash quietly explains what he has seen.

“Vell. Ah need more time, I need to catalogue, inspect every thong” The sound of sniggers

“Vot? All I said vaz I need more time”

“No you said you need to inspect every thong!” replied Raven

“YA zat is carrot, I need to inspect every thong.” the Sniggers are getting lounder

“Will there be a sniff test?” Asks Ashley

“May bay”

“Will you lot grow up, business first, now let’s get on with it, no looking around, cataloguing, just on with the job in hand” Gary says getting grumpy again. More Sniggers

“Job, in hand” says Choppa stifling a laugh.

“I have a cunning plon” says Gendolf getting the action back on plan. The enter a huddle and much whispering goes on.

“Okay, are we all with the plan?” Asks Gary.

“Plan B will fail and we press on with plan A” replies Choppa

“Ve don’t know, Ma plon will fail” Whines Gendolf

“Not been successful so far, have they.” Says Raven. Disgruntled Gendolf puts the plan into action. He is now wearing a Red Cape and has the key that opens every door.

He opens the door at the same time an illusion spell goes off and the sound of battle can be heard. He bursts in and panting like he has run a long way.

........
“Why is he out of breath Nar?”

“Well he is making it look like he has run there, Dave”

“No I get that but it can be all of one hundred feet, not really pant worthy”

“That is a fair point Dave”
.........

“Zey have killed Nozzy” Exclaims disguised Gendolf

“Who, has?” asks the man reaching for a staff with a glass bauble on the top.

“Zey people who just burzt in, look Zey killed Nozzy” he throws they key of opening many doors at the man reaching for a staff with a glass bauble on the top.

“Who are you?” asks the man reaching for a staff with a glass bauble on the top.

“Moi, I am new, to ze gong”

“I see” says the man reaching for a staff with a glass bauble on the top.

……..
“This is taking a while, Nar”

“It is Dave. How’s Mrs Dave?”

“Not seen her since I became all sentient and everything. I feel I out grew her, you know.”

“Not, really Dave, my Mrs would kill me, if I pulled a stunt like that” PING “there it is Dave”

“What’s that Nar?”

“That Ping was the sound of the penny dropping”
………..

The man reaching for a staff with a glass bauble on the top. Which is a staff with glass or a Glass Staff, the main man. Thinks everyone.

Choppa Rushes in, BANG as air rushes into the space where Glasstaf was stood.

BOOM!! The sound of air suddenly being expelled from the other side of the wall.

Yes dear reader there is a set of hidden doors in this room to take you to that point.

Gary, Ashley choppa, and Raven rush the longway round, jumping the chasm

……..
“Is it really a Chasm Nar?”
……

Jumping the seven foot off missing floor. Gendolf is torn between helping or seeing what is here, he rushes to help. Seeing the not so wide and not as has been pointed out deep enough for a chasm, chasm. He falls down the side. Sliding down the loose stones Gendolf arrives at the bottom. Where two dead goblins lie, they have strangely elongated heads. Gendolf scrambles up the slope.
Gary hits Glasstaf, with his wooden stick and then punches him.

“I SURRENDER !”
……..
“What’s happening Nar?”

“He has just surrendered Dave”

“What’s that?”

“Well it means, he gives up and doesn’t want to die”

“Is that a thing in this world?”
………

Deflated, our heroes tie him up and Gendolf takes his new Glass Staff.

“Zer are some dod, Goblins down zere, zay ‘av stronge Kopf’s, zorry Hod’s. AH zink zay have been dead a couple oz doys”

“What do you know about that?” Asks Gary to Glasstaf

“Nothing, I swear, I know strange Goblins are working with the Spider”

“Who’s the Spider?” Asks Gary

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Says Glasstaf “The Spider is the one who sent those BugBears to keep an eye on us”

“Doesn’t really answer my question of who is the spider, does it?” Questions Gary

“He is a Drow Elf and is the one making all these plans, he is after the “Wave Echo Mine””

“Is that the mine Gudren found?” says Raven.

“I would have thought so.”

“Gudren, is he a dwarf?” asks Glasstaf

“Yeah” barks Choppa

“He is with the Spider now”

“What about the dead ones down there” Asks Gary pointing down.

“I know nothing of that” come Glasstaf’s reply

Raven and Ash, climb down the sides to take a better look. They do indeed look as if they are only a couple of days gone. But it is cold down here, really cold. Colder than it should be. Cold enough to preserve meat for quite some time.

…….
“Are we doing this again Nar?”
……

Ashley checks the bodies out but finds nothing, as Raven spies a chest hidden away. Ash never one to resist such temptation heads towards it. A wave of magical energy washes over Ash, he luckily shrugs it off.

On top Gendolf Choppa and Gary are with Glasstaf, when suddenly Gary runs off.

“Caught short probably” says Choppa, just as he is racked with long talon like claws

Down the Crevasse

……..
“Really Nar, Crevasse now is it”
…….

A creature is attacking Ashley, Raven swings her mace striking the creature. Ash strikes at it with a most well placed attack killing the Nothic out right.

……
“That’s a bit anti climatic isn’t it Nar?”

“He got a natural twenty on his roll, all dice double Dave, and he did just under thirty points of damage”

“Er, yeah, whatever you say”
…….

On top Gendolf casts magic missile killing the Quasit.

…..
“That seemed easy Nar!”

“It did Dave, that’s what happens when the heroes do well and the, creatures do badly or lack sufficient vitality to put up a decent fight”

“Seemed a bit pointless, Nar”

“They split the party Dave. Things will always happen when you split the party”

“Why, Nar?”

“Just an unwritten rule of the Cosmos, or GM’s”
……….

“Let’s get Glasstaf to Sildar. We can come back here” says Gary. With Glasstaf tied up and slung over Choppa’s shoulder they head back to the Village and a meeting with Sildar.

Sildar is outside getting some fresh air, and feeling a lot better. He see our young heroes coming down the road and they are carrying something, no wait someone. Sildar all notices the nice staff with a glass end being carried by Gendolf. Could they actually have caught the brigand Glasstaf.

They get closer and Sildar can see it is actually Iamo Albrek his fellow and predecessor sent here to establish a base and a constabulary for the Phandelvin by the Order of the Gauntlet.
“You have found Iamo, and judging by your new staff, taken care of Glasstaf. An excellent job”

“Er, What you on about” says Choppa throwing the body of Glasstaf on to the floor. “This is Glasstaf. Who is the Iamo your on abou?”

………
“Is this realyy happening again Nar, three time in one write up?”

“Yes Dave, I am enjoying the penny dropping thing very much!”
……..

“Oo I see” Says Gary.

To be continued.

Thought I'd do the write up this week from Gary's point of view.

Got back from That old Manor. We'd done the job so couldn't be arsed to go finish clearing it out as we already got paid. Also never got to the whole "your body is a temple resist all disease" lesson from the Monks so got a sore throat. Decided to have a duvet day while they work on it. Sure they'll be fine.

This is why Gary looks grumpy all the time.

Gary

Also how do you add pictures to this without it complaining the image size is too big? It was only 280k