Flint was thoroughly disgruntled. Why had he been so useless in the fight with the Trolls? The last time he fought that badly he was letting his sister win a fight over some rat kebab with lots and lots of lovely Ketchup. MMM he was really looking forward to his breakfast now and Elias was cooking.
“Mornin’ ‘Lias waz fer brekkie?”
“Porridge” replied Elias
“Wha, ya cannea gi’ us porridge, thas hardly a breakie for hardy warriers!”
“Well the way you swinging your bat last night. And that’s not a euphemism . You should be eating flowers!” joked Elias ducking so the nearest object to Flint, which was a plate flew harmlessly over his head. “Listen brother we need to make our rations last and we had a good feast yesterday so plain breakfast today”
“And we can have some of those pastries for our ten O’clock break” chimed in Jebado. Elias nodded his agreement. “Then for elevenses we can have a nice bit of that bread with some of that ham, then its lunch where that pheasant will go down a treat. Two O’clock break some of that lovely lemon drizzle cake. At three time for those scones with a bit of fresh cream and jam. Then we have to wait two more hours for dinner where that brace of rabbit with fresh potatoes and some of that pickled cabbage will do a treat. Then we can prepare camp for night and at nine’ ish we can have some of that lovely flatbread with cheese” piped up Jebado.
“I don’t know where you put it all” quizzed Elias.
“Well it’s a well-known fact that we Gnome’s have an incredibly fast metabolism, so we have to eat often” replied Jebado.
“But yer dunnie ‘ave a millon poo’s do yer? Yer eat enough for a wild boar yet yer poo is not the size of a dung heap two weeks after tha las’ poo collection” said Flint in a statement or question kind of way.
“What a lovely conversation before breakfast” said Maria clasping the warmth of the mug full of her first coffee of the day.
It was also a well-known fact in the group that Maria was tetchy, maybe tetchy is an understatement. Maria who was more highly strung than the infamously dangerous invention feared by bards across the realm, the banjo bow, and the name says it all really. Everyone knew the first thing to do when you were on the breakfast watch was to get the coffee on. One morning Oz had forgotten to brew the coffee and Maria got up, the hissy fit was beyond epic at one point Jebado swore he saw her head turn through a 360 degree rotation.
“Eye, yer probably righ’ but a canne ken where, he puts it all” said Flint.
I think the gnome’s exist on several plains and that’s where the food ends up, chimed in Nar Ator
“Yeah, the waste appears on the abyssal plain, and that would explain a lot about why demons are grumpy” said Dave.
“What? Said Maria who only heard Dave and not Nar Ator.
“Never mind Maria, I’ll tell you later” Dave offered which seemed to pacify her for the short time.
“I think” said Oz slowly and before he could add to it Issy piped up. “There’s a first” and so the banter continued.
Nice job Dave, this is the most relaxed I’ve seen them.
“Thanks Nar Ator, but I fear this is the calm before the storm because the GM god you were telling me about doesn’t seem too happy his game was cancelled. Give it time and I’m sure GM will find something very nasty” replied Dave.
They broke camp after their breakfast of porridge, still listening to the complaints of Flint and set off for the village where the floating castle is currently parked.
“Why is the castle floating Nar Ator?” asked Dave
Well you see Dave it is an implausible plot hook that the creator,
“You mean GM?” interrupted Dave.
Well yes and no, see GM creates the world in which we all live but the actual design was done by Steve,
“What the ultimate creator’s name is Steve?” said Dave incredulously “I’m losing the plot here Nar Ator, who is god”
A great question Dave, and one that I fear I cannot answer as that question has been debated for millennia and still no one actually knows. Dave made to speak Don’t interrupt, but for our purposes Dave, the creator is GM.
“So let me get this straight GM is the creator, even though you just said Steve.”
Forget Steve and Wolfgang,
Who the F… is Wolfgang?”
Wolfgang Baur but forget him too. GM is the creator OK. The castle floats as it is the only way to peak this group’s interest in going there, as let’s face it the hoard they have been chasing has eluded them thus far and they have only seen tiny snippets and tales of the wonders by let’s face it untrustworthy sources that claim to have seen it, that they are probably now thinking the horde doesn’t exist.
“I did wonder about that Nar Ator, I mean, where is the treasure? As they have found precious little. It would be embarrassing if they find the hoard and it is an implausibly small affair. I mean to attract Tiamat surely something larger than Smaug in the Hobbit and that was vast.”
You’ve read the hobbit, I’m impressed.
“Well not read but saw the movie!”
I see, right let’s crack on shall we, I’ll move us forward Ahem. The band of Dave walked for a couple of hours and arrived at the village the castle on the cloud was huge, large enough for a really big hoard of treasure to be stashed and as it is a magical cloud that can move a castle it doesn’t have to worry about encumbrance and weight limits that the vastness of a hoard of gold large enough to entice Tiamat would create, the magic controlling it truly is magical.
“Caw, that was quick”
I aim to please.
“Is that a cloud staircase?” asked Jebado now close enough to see the floating castle.
It truly is a sight to behold. A staircase made of cloud gently touches the floor the fearsome slinky monster cascades its way down the steps to the bottom where it is transported back to the top by a cloud lift. Other cloud lifts are constantly going up and down transporting food, water, livestock and personnel on shift changes.
“Och eye, I ken ‘onestly say ah’ve never seen anythin’ like this before” said Flint.
“Living under that mountain I’d say you’d never seen a lot of things before!” quipped Issy.
“True, but admit it even this is a wonder you have never seen before” retorted Elias.
“You have me there” agreed Issy. They carried on into the small town, which was starting to look rather empty now. The people of the town were all dressed or otherwise marked by their affiliation with the cult of the dragon.
“It would appear as if we are walking into the lion’s den” said Oz slowly “I meant Dragon’s den, that was the joke” he corrected himself.
“Yeah okay, Joke, haha, ahem” coughed Issy.”Dragon’s Den good one, I will remember to laugh at that one later!”
“All this walkin’ ‘as made me thirsty. Ah fancy an ale to calm ma quench. C’mon brother” Flint grabbed Elias and marched him towards the Inn.
“Is that a good idea do you think?” asked Jebado.
“I don’t think evidently” said Oz slowly still smarting after Issy’s joke.
“I’ll put two gold on trouble starting just after they have paid” Issy wagered.
“I’ll take that action, I reckon as they are standing at the bar before they order” replied Maria
“I think it will wait till they have got the first ones down them” offered Jebado getting his purse out.
“I reckon half way to the bar after they walk in” said Oz.
They followed the singing form of Flint dragging Elias to the Inn. He was certainly in fine spirits today. Flint grabbed the door and opened it offering first place and therefore the first round to Elias. Elias walked in and Flint followed.
The door had not even closed when the trouble started……………..
Elias walked into the Inn it seemed a nice enough establishment, patrons sat round wooden tables which in turn were on a wooden floor, the wooden bar was clean, and the wooden walls supporting the wood and thatch roof were not blackened by years of smoke. They were still quite fresh looking.
A minstrel was playing some background music, “Bormetadeth” a tale of two lovers doomed to tragedy and slavery. He had always found this a good tune during the day when people were more interested in hardened drinking rather than the binge drinking trouble making lot that turn up when the sun goes down. When an Elf and Dwarf walked in, all heads turned towards them looking them up and down and what they saw they did not like.
Firstly they were not being racist, but normally when a sentence starts with a dwarf and an elf walk into a bar, it is followed by a punch line.
I know a joke Dave“
Do you Nar Ator? Is it any good?”
Dunno never tried it out before.
“Go for your life then” replied Dave.
A dwarf walks into a club. He takes 1D6 damage.
“I don’t get it” said Dave confused.
Secondly and more importantly this amusing duo were not wearing the colours of the cult of the Dragon. The silence was broken by the sound of weapons being drawn from their sheaths. Elias trying to make the best of a bad situation carried in and Flint followed, loosening the guard on his weapon and pushing his thumb to make a quick release from its scabbard. They got to about half way when the trouble started, Flint and Elias’s reflexes were tested as they dodged daggers small crossbow bolts.
Oz caught the door just before the door closed and opened it.
“Looks like you all owe me some money.” Said Oz smirking. The middle of the room was a blur of fists, knives and blood.
“You can’t take those two anywhere, but boys will be boys I suppose.” Issy said.
“I’ll change into a bear an…” but Maria never got to finish that sentence when Jebado cut her off.
“Allow me” he said. Arcane energy crackled round his figure, the air tasted different a flavour like any other, then a small ball of flame appeared between his hands before disappearing and re-appearing in the middle of the Inn where the fight was. This had the added bonus of setting the wooden building on fire.
Bodies flew backwards as Flint seem to radiate energy flexed his muscles.
“Ah only wanted ta ‘ave a drink. But och no, yez all got ta stat sumthin’, well now you has our answer. C’mon brother” Flint walked away.
“’Lias sez yer can send another one of ‘em” so Jebado did. Many many died in that fiery mess, but Elias walked away untouched by the flames, but not so untouched he was covered in cuts and his eye was starting to swell.
The band of Dave turned and looked at the castle, lamenting the loss of a few drinks and a warm meal, before the real trouble started.
To be Continued..............
