TOPIC: Zombie Apocalypse

As we are doing a round robin with the Gm's, we could do a round robin with the write ups.

I'll start us off.......

“And we’ll call it a night there” said Eomak and started to gather the components of the game.

“Good Game that” said his players trying to garner brownie points like Mr.B (however I am unsure if anyone could ever live up to that much sucking up to a GM)

“Ready to go” Val asked Crusader Hank (Hank from now on, I said Hank honestly you and your innuendoes)

“Sure, thanks for that Eomak see you next week.”

“I’ll walk you out” says Mikeawmids (now on Mike)

“Giz a hand with this table” Bane says to The Ranger (Ranger from here on in) as Eomak is gathering his belongings we separate the two tables and move one of the tables back into its proper position.

“Right then, G’night all!” I say to all the gamers still at the coronation club.

“C’ya Bane” rings a chorus of replies

“Good game that”, Bane says to Antidog and Ranger.

“It was, I enjoyed the bit where Hank got his head stuck” and we all laughed about that. Exciting the doors to the room, Val is waiting by the first set of double doors. Hank and Mike are on the grabber machine.

“Oooh, that was close Mike” says Hank quickly pushing his pound into the machine. Hank wiggles the joystick and presses the button.
“That was close too” says Mike. Rolling my eyes, we continue walking towards the door and Val presses the green button cutting the power to the electromagnet holding the door closed to undesirables. The four of us leave the building via the external double doors and walk out into the cool fresh air. The room can sometimes be freezing, other times too warm and sometimes like tonight it can be humid, so the freshness of the air was a relief and the coolness of the night felt invigorating and refreshing. We move towards our respective cars when Val and I notice some undesirables by the main gates.

“See you next week.” Says Ranger and moves towards the congregation. The crowd make him nervous and he feels vulnerable so he wraps a chain he keeps his keys on round his fist. Feeling safer in the knowledge if they start on him then he might break a jaw, he continues towards them.

Meanwhile…..

“The local populace don’t normally congregate here, at this time of night do they” says Val. The people start shambling towards them “ARRR” they groan with raised arms.

“They don’t. Time for a hasty exit” replies Bane. The people are shambling quite quickly now and due to bad reflexes beat Val to his car and round on Bane’s, with one of them grabbing his door.

“Get off my brothers door !” yells Val, launching the first thing that came to hand from his bag, an egg, fresh from the chicken supplied by the clubs pedlar of eggs, Inept. In his rage though Val squeezes the egg to hard and it breaks in his hand.

Meanwhile…….

Antidog sees all the commotion and is glad he parked his car away from the light in a secluded spot, and makes a break for it.
Unfortunately for Antidog he is spotted by one of the local denizens, who starts shambling towards him. Antidog hurries with his keys and drops them on the floor, quickly he stoops picks up the keys thumbing the central locking button at the same time and smoothly slides into his vehicle. Closing the door and locking his car, and he now thinks he is safe.

Meanwhile………

“Can’t believe you got another Ninja Hank” says Mike.

“It’s all in the timing” Hank replies, thinking to himself “the timing of following you after you have disturbed the toy, Muh ha ha haa” Whilst holding the soft plush ninja over his head in a sign of victory. They scene they see unfolds thusly before them………….

Ranger has punched the one closest to him in the face, breaking the jaw of the man / creature, the jaw is hanging loose and the smell of death rotting from the inside reeks into the rangers face.

“Use a toothbrush, that’s disgusting”. The man / creature, pays no heed to the insult and does not seem to notice the injury.
The scene slightly to the left of their vision now takes precedence. Val is shouting at the two undesirables unaware they are also coming round the back of his car. Bane is having a tug of war with his car door but he slams it shut yielding the unexpected result of cutting the fingers off the man, who holds the remaining stumps of his fingers up, no blood pumps out and he does not make a sound. Val is moving forwards and slips past the man with his fingers cut off and towards the other man artfully swinging round so he now has all the people behind him.

Further to the left they see somebody smash the rear windscreen of a car with their hands, and try to climb in.

“Get away from me you freak” they hear in the unmistakable tones of Antidog, the rear windscreen wiper comes on gently smacking the man on the back and grabbing his attention, the car starts and lurches back at speed smashing into a parked car and chopping the man in half. The car then lurches forward separating the torso of the man from his legs and stretching his intestines out. The speed though, in mid back smack of the rear windscreen wiper, makes the torso fall from the vehicle. “Sorry” shouts Antidog as he drives round the car park.

Back the other way, Banes car door opens and Mike learnt a lot about the brothers much of which Hank could have told him, they are more like the Frog brothers (reference the Lost Boys). Bane forces the driver’s door open knocking stumpy fingers over. With German efficiency the engine burns into life, and the quietest wheel spin occurs, holding the door open he drives over stumpy fingers and knocks the other one over. “Get in the car!” shouts Bane, and Val slides over the bonnet as if he is Michael J Fox in Back to the Future, opens the passenger door and leaps in, shutting the door behind him and engaging the central locking.

On the far right they see Ranger wrestling with two more denizens, he pushes one away but is having difficulty with the other. Their fight or flight responses kick in and both pick …………… flight.

This appears to be the option of choice. Mike stealth’s towards his car, with the quiet efficiency any role-player would die to have their rogue character be able to do. Silent and untoiced he climbs into his vehicle.

Hank on the other hand, decides to go back inside and rally the troops. Holding his key fob to the detector releasing the electromagnet again he goes back into the club. He pauses for a moment by the grabber machine and enters the main room.

“Hey there are people outside and they are messing with your cars” What Hank was expecting was an uprising, an indignant horde, striking forth and storming out the building what he got was.

“Mumble, mumble, hehe Yahtzee, THACO. Natural twenty !” on the bar was a screw driver which Hank grabbed and walked back outside, just in time to see…………

Mike started his car quietly and expertly drove his car round the car park avoiding the local populace and driving past Ranger who was still valiantly trying to fend two of them off. Staring straight ahead as he did not want to cause any trouble. Turning of the car park the road was blocked by forty or fifty people all shambling towards the sound. Mike unnerved reversed his car back with the intention of reversing through the gates and back to the relative safety of the club. Instead he rammed his car into the bollards, holding his car fast. Fight or flight…… flight Mike exited his car and ran back.

Hank was stabbing cars fuel tanks with his screwdriver, unfortunately though he had selected all diesel models. Running back into the club Hank shouted “They draining the fuel tanks” and proceeded to empty the bar of sprits and crisps.

Antidog reversed his car picking up Mike, and parked in front of the entrance to the club as Inept and Hank came out. Hank had stolen a lighter from the bar and some paper towel, which he stuffed in a bottle of spirit and lit. He lofted the bottle onto the fuel running down the carpark and nothing.

Inept looked at Hank and said “You know diesel only ignites under pressure or extreme temperature, right?”

“I do now” Hank replied.

Meanwhile………….

Bane and Val are running people over and finally notice Ranger in trouble, they samsh a few people out of the way and open the rear door for him to climb in and they are arguing.

“They are bloody Zombies, ERRR hands shambling classic Zombie” says Val

“No such thing as Zombies” replies Bane. They circle the car park again taking refuge at the top of the car park. Antidog, Inept, Hank and Mike are in Antidog’s car and Bane Val and Ranger are in Bane’s car. The two drivers share a glance and they both know what to do, and they speed off the car park and down the road running over the zombies. At the end of the road at the lights a massive traffic accident has taken place and cars cannot get through.

“We need weapons” says the Ranger in the one car.

“We need weapons” says Hank in the other car.

Leaving their vehicles they run over the road to Cannon tools to armour up. Val prises the fence back and then puts it back to keep zombies out, as his brother puts through the window.

Inside they find many options but the weapons of choice seem to be Chainsaws (petrol), Axes (Hand), Shovels. Hank turns up with a generator.

“How are you going to carry that?”

“Dunno”

“Nor the wood chipper Anitdog, honestly”

Tooled up quite literally they leave the building.

To be continued……

Excellent write up, had me giggling all the way thru. I like the idea of round robin write ups too.

Excellent write up but you left out the part where i got stuck in your car boot rofl and great idea for round robin write ups

When Gaz crusaderhank came back into the club & shouted that chavs were trashing the cars in the car park my first thought was "would I notice any difference to my van". Sitting eating onion rings while being talked at by a drunken Vic was fine but I really wanted to get home so when Vic turned to slur at his brother I seized the moment & stepped sideways, crabbing my way out the door. In the car park was a scene of confusion/devastation - more confusion to be honest. Gaz was standing by my van with what looked like a screwdriver shouting that the chavs had stabbed my fuel tank & to be careful of the immenent explosion that would soon engulf the car park. Pondering the statement I saw two minor flaws to that plan. First my van runs on diesel & wouldnt explode even with a direct flame & second that because im such a tight wad I only ever put 1/2 a tank of fuel in & "the chavs" (not Gaz - honest!) had punctured the tank near the fuel cap. Now I know that technically thats one point but since it was such a biggie I thought it was worth saying twice. Dismissing the Kryten voice from my head I looked again at the scene before me while continuing the devour onion rings like they were going out of fashion.

The Bane brothers seemed to be parked in the top left & having a heated argument while Adam the ranger ferretted about in the boot for some reason. Andy Antidog was parked near the light in the centre with Tony inept squeezed in the backseat while Gaz tried to chuck the screwdriver (he didn't have) into the shrubbery & slide into the passenger seat.. Mikewestmids then came tearing into view running from what seemed like a self inflicted fender bender. His usual boyish good looks were replaced by panic - to the point of diving head first into the backseat of Andy's car & of course face first into Tony's groin. Despite the usual level of social discomfort that we roleplayers suffer from the face/groin groin/face combo seemed to have crossed a line that neither were comfortable with. Mike saying a muffled "sorry" was the last thing I heard for a while as Bane put his foot flat to the floor & the mini merc's German engineering "smooth start" refused to allow anything even vaguely resembling a wheelspin. Adam clinging onto the backseat with his feet dragging behind him was a new twist I hadnt immagined I'd ever see much less Andy confusing "burn rubber with warp speed" & shooting out the gate like Lewis Hamilton on Pole Position. My view of what im sure were a few guilty sideways glances by the backseat buddies was interuppted by Bane & co barrelling through chavs at the gateway & heading out along the road towards the traffic lights.

With Andys car out of the way the night suddenly "got real" as a torso pulled itself along the ground groaning & moaning while looking up at me with dead eyes. "Arse" my hand stopped, onion ring poised, my mind screamed, my eyes bulged. My old friend Ben had been right after all- Zombie Apocalypse had beaten Alien Invasion to the punch & he would now be laughing at me as I had laughed at him for always carrying wire cutters "just in case theres a zombie plague" Well bugger all that, munching my last onion ring in awhile I stepped around the torso & unlocked my van & with images of "Shaun of the dead" burning in my mind, grabbed my spade from the back & on second thought also grabbed the long but utterly blunt kitchen knife I use to cut turf. As the well meaning roleplayers surged past me towards the poor unfortunates who had been knocked down in the gateway I decided that discretion was the better part of valor & went back inside & out the fire exit at the back. Climbing across some back gardens (havent done that in a while) I managed to make it to the traffic lights to see Bane & Andy's cars abandoned at the junction due to a RTA (probably caused by zombies) but certainly invloving them now as they shambled towards Canon tools for some reason. I pretended to be a zombie & shuffled & groaned my way towards the New Inn so I could hole up, after all there was probably a brevel out back. I was almost there before my ever flatulent body betrayed me but I could feel the fart building so reached surreptitiously beind me in the hope of making the whole process as quiet as possible. For whatever reason when you need to ease & squeeze it never quite works that way & the sound emmanating from my behind caused three zombies nearby to turn towards me sure I was strangling a duck with my buttocks. Double arse! I backed the last few paces towards the New Inn & clanged my spade over the head of the nearest Zombie - SQUISH! Next thing I know is some jack the lad decides to put a pick axe through the back of another zombies head & Im covered in zombie brain gore, literally there was an eye rolling down my own face.
" Oh im covered in red!"
Echoes of Andys slightly upperclass accent always betray him when he says "sorry" at least he made eye contact briefly while he did it. And suddenly the gangs all here, looking like a cross between the Frog brothers from "the lost boys" & Shaun of the dead we gather inside the doorway of the New Inn & swape news. Behind us an aged voice wheezes "You lads want in? £2 each on the door 70's disco night, first drink free with the raffle ticket." I hate the 70's but Andy & Bane seemed really up for it, Gaz practically barreled the old guy out of the way at the words "Free Drink" & suddenly £2 lighter we were all in the club. Abba's Vouz le vouz crashed out of the speakers at a deafening level & I turned towards the dance floor looking for any female under pensionable age to try my charms on. It was then that things "got real" again as the slow jerky movements of 70's dance rearranged themselves in my head to be the slow jerky movements of zombies. Triple arse! As one mind the group all started dancing so as to blend in & like a gaggle of girls we danced in a circle around our zombie killing gear, "What we going to do? how long have they been like that? Oh crap the Dj's started playing ghost town by the specials...This place is much bigger on the inside than you'd think..." As we struggled to come up with a plan I noticed two things: 1 Tony is rather light on his feet for a big man & 2 Mike seemed to have found an Indian costume from somewhere & was trying to encourage us to join in & do YMCA. Having been shot down in flames on this matter he then had a good idea & we conga'd towards the fire exit at the back of the pub.

Free once again we ran - well jogged - well walked briskly - mostly down the Oldbury road & turned towards the dubious safety of Rowley Regis train station. Outside Travis Perkins we came upon another RTA this time involving a couple of buses & a few cars. The brightly dancing flames had attracted a large group of zombies & more were appearing every minute.
"We need to get this cleared so we can get some transport & get out of here" said Adam.
"How are we going to do that?" answered Bane.
Gaz was staring up into the cloud covered sky. Following his gaze we all stared up into a huge crane, its grabber arm dangling seductively (according to Gaz). Within moments we were stacking pallets against the fence of Travis Perkins & Adam led the charge into the building yard. I must confess to having a little difficulty getting up 'N over & must thank Bane for giving me a boost tho why he needed to give me that boost by putting his hands on my backside Im still not sure... Ive tried to blank out the fact he was saying "tickle tickle tickle" at the same time.
Travis Perkins had been guarded by two Dobermans but by the time I got there both were dead & Adam was trying to saw the head off one so I kinda felt the need to leave. Bane opened the doors with the time honoured traditions of looters everywhere & put a housebrick thru the window, allowing us entry to the offices & within moments the key cabinet had been crowbarred open & Gaz with a slightly more crazed look than usual had scampered off to the crane cackling. The number of Zombies outside the gates was now staggering as with all the dog barking, flames crackling, & us lot trying to offer sage advice to a cackling Gaz we had created such a fracas. With Deft & practiced movements Gaz whipped up a bus & dropped it again upon a crowd of unsuspecting zombies, then having cleared the way Bane jumped in a works van & off we shot... straight into another burning RTA.
"Im giving up this driving lark I never liked it anyway" I grumbled as we all decamped from the van after a whole 30 secs of travel time.
"At least we're past the zombie hoard" Bane defended himself "& I have a cunning plan" he said. Im sure it wasnt just my imagination that everyone rolled there eyes... "Round the corner on Long lane is Towsure. They do camping & caravaning stuff. We can get everything we need for an extended stay outdoors from there."
"Emmmm sounds like a plan actually" I said & the group agreed for once. As we approached Towsure Zombies stumbled into the road & after a sleepless night with crazy stuff happening & seeing equally crazy responses from normally mild mannered rolepalyers we set about them with gusto. So much gusto in fact that Mike wielding a length of steel pipe took the head straight off a zombie facing him & carried his deadly swing onwards pirouetting with all the grace of a ballerina into the immoveable object that is.. was Tony. The group stopped long enough for Bane to shout "You killed Tony" - you bastard we chorused" before laying about us once more & getting ourselves even more covered in gore.

Towsure lay before us, our glittering prize, however one final obstacle stood in our way. As in all good heroic dungeon bashing, princess rescuing, planet saving adventures the evil boss man & his cronies jealously guard the final location & here art immitated life immitating art... whatever forget it...

Some chubby guy brandishing a samurai sword & a his misbegotten gang wielding baseball bats & dustbin lids stood between us & the door. "Drop your weapons & go back the way youve come from... Tow Sure ismine...
"Was there any need for that? " I said
"For what?" he said
"the sibilant mine.. " I said
"It was supposed to be frightening.." he said
"Well it wasnt you just sounded like a creepy tit.. Anyway there loads in there more than enough for all of us." I said.
From behind me Bane stomped forward, "Scary Steve of the LARPers. Just let us in."
"No I know you lot; roleplayers" he spat, "why dont you roll a dice & see what happens. We're Larpers & we train with weapons every day. So stand down. We're having your stuff & towsure will be our base of operations."
"Is he always like this" I asked Bane
"Ahmm yup pretty much"
"Oh right" i answered despondantly.

You know Im not really sure who threw the first punch, whether it was the ancient emnity of the bane brothers Vs scary Steve or a zombie provoking us all to rash action or me jamming my turfing knife into the eye socket of a sallow skinned youth in knitted chainmail potato/potarto regardless we walked into Towsure not them.

Agghhh, you gimp. I was halfway through a write-up.



I will do next week.